I am Master Nicholas Clegg

18 September 2011: "Nick Clegg makes a pledge to his party faithful" – Sunday Sun

All the grownups are away,
and I'm upstairs in my lair,
putting premia on fairness.
Then you nick a wall of tellies,
and you kick off summer hell.
I will heave a little sigh.
As it's not the who or what.
No, it's all about the why.

I remain his fervent servant.
I am Master Nicholas Clegg.

I will swear this holy oath
on our hallowed manifestos
and our sacred Euro-charters
and our human rightness treaties,
you can drive me to the edge,
you can tip me off the ledge,
but Yours Faithfully will never ever
sign another pledge.

Still I'm his obedient servant.
I am Master Nicholas Clegg.

In a speech today, I'll say
that this has ceased to be ok.
Then he'll pat me on the head
and say, well done you made it dead.
I'm his antidote to toxic
although I do so beg to differ.

I remain his ardent servant.
I am Master Nicholas Clegg.

When it's time for Yours Sincerely
to sign off with a goodbye.
When someone has administered
that last poke in my eye.
I'll hang up my yellow tie.
Then I'll have a little cry.
And I'll mull on just one thing:
It's not about the what.
It's the why, oh why, oh why.

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